The Crooked Life - My Scoliosis Journey

I recently revisited some of the significant places and moments along my journey to share a story of this crooked life - diagnosis to treatment. Take a short walk with me back in time as I relive some emotional and exciting times that have defined my journey and changed my life.  Sharing my journey at www.facebook.com/thecrookedlife

"The Twisted Transformation" - How a New Approach to Scoliosis Treatment is Changing My Life!

 

Vulnerability – a quality that was misplaced in my dusty bag of emotional clutter, but a deep internal exploration has helped me reveal its location and now I’m armed and ready to use it to share my story – a story literally full of TWISTS and TURNs about my crooked life, my scoliosis journey.

I didn’t emerge from the womb crooked.  I actually lived 11 years of my life rather straight; at least I made it past a few annual scoliosis screenings during gym class.  But then my school bus got in a small traffic accident and my mother had to haul me to the doctor for an exam.  Little did I know that days later I’d be trapped inside a plaster cast – not because I was injured during the accident, but to get fitted for a brace.  I was diagnosed with scoliosis! 

I didn’t think much about it at first, I just went with the flow -------- But then that horrid bulky piece of hard plastic arrived! I wore it for as long as I could - to school, bed, and shopping.  The only place I didn’t have to wear it was the shower!  23 hours a day was a huge commitment that this 12 year old was not willing to make.  It was certainly not trendy, but on top of that the hard plastic rubbed against my hips and it hurt ---- BAD!  So I began to formulate a plan to make it disappear.  I stuffed it under my bed, in the dark corner of my closet, and eventually (down the road) into the trash bin; but not without some last attempts from my parents to convince me to wear it.  They were doing their parental duty, but deep down I knew they understood my point of view.

Choosing not to wear the brace only left me with one option – Watch and Wait.  If the curve didn’t increase to a particular degree then no action would be taken, otherwise surgery would be scheduled.  I don’t remember the degree of my curve at that time, nor do I remember talking about it; all I knew was I felt fine at that moment.  I was 12 years old; I wasn’t thinking about how this condition could affect me later in life until I started Junior High and the school nurse attempted to scare me into wearing the brace.  She informed me that I’d be hunched over someday if I didn’t wear it.  While that concerned me, I wasn’t experiencing any problems at the time, so the future “me” was not on my mind.  For the next few years I was oblivious to the changes taking place inside of me.  Until that DREADFUL day that I remember like yesterday!  The day that changed the way I lived for the next 20 years!

Someone I knew very well, but didn’t see often was sitting behind me at a gathering.  She began balling her eyes out – tears were flowing heavily down her cheeks.  As she sobbed, she leaned forward and asked me the dreaded question, “What is wrong with your back?” I wanted to shrink down and disappear!  I could feel every shade of embarrassment displayed on my face, but all I could do was sit there while she continued crying.  Until that moment I had never looked at my back in the mirror.  I wasn’t aware of the horrible gift that time had delivered, but that day I went home and looked.   I knew I had scoliosis, but this was the first time I became “aware” of it – and every day from that day on - I was aware of it! 

That day the transformation began.  I never wanted anyone to notice AGAIN!  The focus of my wardrobe switched from fashionable to camouflaging my back.  It was nice if I could find a top that did both, but that was a hard feat!  Instead of wearing shirts in my size I typically had to buy larger tops that wouldn’t cling to my back and reveal my protruding shoulder.  Every night I tried on clothes to find an outfit for the next day.  It involved looking at my profile in every direction to make sure my scoliosis was unnoticeable.  I’d have nights where I couldn’t find an outfit to fit right; those were emotionally exhausting – bad nights!  When that happened I’d curl up on the bed while the waterfall of tears began.  As if I wasn’t torturing myself enough already I’d then hop online to search for treatment options for scoliosis then I’d cry some more after logging off empty handed.  Bracing was for growing youth, but only an attempt to stop the progression of the curve, not correct it.  Surgery was generally for curves greater than 45-50 degrees.  My curve was 42.5 degrees.  What was I supposed to do – I felt helpless!  I did the only thing I knew to do and that was continue to pray.

 

I let this condition limit me in so many ways - limitations stemmed from fear.  I feared being asked to be a bride’s maid at weddings because I didn’t get to pick the dress; normally the dresses were strapless or fitted.  I dreaded that black cape at the hair salon because it clearly displayed my uneven shoulders.   I worried about my shirts shrinking so NEVER put them in the dryer.  At work I would stare in the reflection of the microwave to make sure those behind me weren’t staring at my back.  Summer clothes were a nightmare, and swimsuits – NO WAY! I remember one day getting so fed up with clothes not fitting properly that I grabbed every article of clothing out of the closet that made me feel horrible and donated it all.  In addition, the pain in my right shoulder blade didn’t help matters, it served as a reminder of the deformity in my back and often limited my activities. I admit that I let this affect me too much. I subjected myself to an insane amount of emotional torture and on top of it I couldn’t find a doctor to help fix me!  I was an emotional hopeless wreck!

Through the years I kept searching for help (for around 20 years actually) and then one remarkable day redemption arrived!  I was having one of those TERRIBLE - ROTTEN - NO GOOD kind of days and decided to give the search another go, but this day was different – my search actually yielded a result!  Located just 20 minutes from me was Restoration Chiropractic.  Dr. Nick Weddle (a CLEAR certified doctor) started a non-invasive treatment for scoliosis in Belton, Missouri!  Generally speaking I’m not an emotional person, but I still tear up thinking back to this moment when hope was delivered into my life.  A day in which a long awaited answer to prayer arrived. I scheduled my first appointment on my birthday – this was the highlight of my day!  As the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air would put it – “this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down.” I started treatment in December and my life has indeed been flipped-turned upside down in many ways!

 

I went from hiding my condition to blogging about it.  I desired to share the hope that I’d experienced with others, so decided to make a statement - I found a body artist and did the thing that’s always TERRIFIED me the most – exposing my back!  I had a crooked tree painted on my back and had it photographed to share.  My statement – I will hide no more!  I will be confident with my curve while I strive for correction.  I will raise my voice and share my story in hopes that others receive healing from the emotional pain and scars of scoliosis.

 

Now instead of hiding behind my clothes, I’m finding more clothes that I’m comfortable wearing as the appearance of my back has greatly improved because of my treatment.  I’ve recently worn an open back dress and swim suit which I haven’t done in over 20 years! The degree of my curve has decreased from 42.5° to 38° so far, which is amazing – this is without any bracing or surgery!  The pain that resided in my right shoulder blade is GONE and now I’m able to enjoy activities that I wasn’t able to before.

 

Life has twisted me in many ways – it only began with my diagnoses; eventually I was so twisted it was evident not only in my back, but in my soul, my emotions, and my countenance.  In the last 8 months I’ve been unraveling, untwisting, and unveiling a brand new me.  How exhilarating it’s been experiencing this transformation - getting my twisted life all straightened out!

By Marce Kuhns

Sharing my scoliosis journey on facebook/thecrookedlife

I Will Hide No More - Overcoming the Emotional Scars of Scoliosis!

What's the secret to overcoming the emotional pain and scars of scoliosis?  I'm going to share with you how I was able to come out of hiding, have confidence with my curve, and do the thing that's always terrified me the most - exposing my back to the world. I found a body artist and photographers to help me make a statement - I Will Hide No More!  

                                                        Artist: Kristi Darby
                                              Photographed by: Kelly Jackson

After going to great lengths to hide my scoliosis for over 20 years - this day I stood up and decided to make a statement.  I will be confident with my curve while I strive for correction.  I will raise my voice and share my story in hopes that it will help others.

The artist Kristi Darby described the symbolism in the painting perfectly, "The tree represents her back, but also her spirit: twisted and crooked, but strong, determined, and deeply rooted.  The blossoms represent a new awakening in her body and mind.  The dove represents her spirit, but in a different way - a way of freedom as it takes flight.  This is a reflection of how far she's come with her treatment.  The dove holds a special branch which represents the chiropractor who's been by her side through the journey, and the sash around the tree is the name of her blog, where she's journaled the entire process."

Here's a video sharing how I overcame:

Written by: Marce Kuhns